Preface to this letter I am about to post. We have a friend who is one of the oddest people we have ever met. We love him, but he is weird as hell. He is a little paranoid, a little over weight, a little older then us, and much more special. Besides these few traits, he is also a chronic liar, so everything that he has written in his email is one big fat fabrication in his mind, but here is the best part……. In time he begins to believe his lies, and takes them as absolute fact.

Here is Jason’s recap of our night to Chris.

Chris,

We had a really good time last night. Some people we know from the
gym were up there and every one got a tad bit typsy. You should of came up.
I get the feeling sometimes that you get pissed or paranoid when other
people are around when I approach. This makes zero sense to me as your one
of my best friends and I enjoy it when you do come out.

Peace out!
Jason

Chris’s reply, ( here is the Comedy )

Jason,
I just do NOT like going to bars…
I’m almost 36 and have simply burned out on the type of environment
that is present at bars, including the noise, the tobbaco smoke, and
the usual obnoxious jagoffs that are always present at any bar -
particularly one trying to exude a “big city atmosphere” in a stuffy
little
backwards burg like city X.

A NON smoking coffee shop is fine, the burrito place or other places
where one can sit and talk are awesome for me, but at this point in my
life,’being that I am under specific, direct orders from one of the top
cardiologists in this country and probably the world to NOT CONSUME
ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES OF ANY KIND EVER, combined with my documented
asthmatic allergies to tobacco smoke, there is just no point for me to go to bars.

Perhaps when you are 36, you will feel the same. Perhaps not.

Since you are still of an age where you enjoy these things,
I encourage you to do so. But please understand that I just have
no desire whatsoever to go to bars anymore, particularly on
weeknights.

Chris XXXXXX XXXXXXXX

He is a sick sick man…..